this guy plays every instrument

He’s simply called goot

Best Lost episode

So, I know it aired thursday, but i watch lost online when i have the chance because i work nights.  I just saw the most recent episode and first of all, this show is awesome.  Second, this is certainly the best episode of this season so far.  I think it is probably one of the best episodes period.

It had everything you want from the show; confusion, action, suspense, and this time quite a bit of heart.  I was honestly moved by the end.  I, of course have my theories about the show, but, most likely i have no idea what is going on.  But hey, isn’t that why we watch the show? 

My perfect home

So, what if you had an immense and expendable income to build your dream home?  What certain characteristics would this home have.  Well, i’ve thought about it and here is my list. 1.  A warner bros. type door that when opened has another door, then another, then another, until you reach a brick wall with a sign nailed to it that says acme 2.  A bathroom mirror that compliments and encourages me to go out and be the best i can be3.  A room whose floor is a trampoline and walls that are made of velcro4.  A band of ninjas that attack me randomly once a day…and let me win5.  monkeys (who wouldn’t want monkeys?)6.  A stocked bar with an old irish bartender who tells jokes7.  A town crier instead of a door bell who rings a large bell and yells who’s at the door8.  A room that gets smaller and smaller to make you feel a little like Alice9.  A hidden passageway from the conservatory to the lounge10.  A rec room whose entrance is and old-timey outhouse somewhere on the propertyMore ideas i’m sure are to come.  What would be in your perfect house? 

Worst Movie

I just looked up several lists of the worst movies ever made, and although i agree that Catwoman, Batman & Robin, Caddyshack 2, and Battlfield Earth are all terrible, not one list had what i consider to e the worst movie ever. Seriously, if you want to lose about an hour and a half of your life while getting so stupid that you don’t even think to turn the damn thing off or just kill yourself, then i ask you to watch this movie immediately.

it’s so bad it gets no stars, but a black hole, 2 thumbs way down and the sounds of babies crying. watch it. i dare you.

What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen?

Things you don’t want to hear on a bus or subway

- my water broke
- i was conceived on that seat
- sure hope the track holds
- next stop harlem!
- i don’t think it’s contagious
- now, Akmed, NOW!
- should this be bleeding?
- wanna trade shoes?
- Woooo! just did a shot with the driver!
- pull my finger
- hold this and act casual
- wanna buy a monkey?
- is that your vomit, cause that’s my pee

I’m Huge!

So, i just went to albany to visit and to go to my friends wedding. Showing my new R.I. drivers license to my friends, one of them pointed out to me that according to my license, i am 570 pounds in weight. How do you mess that up? Can someone who’s 570 even drive a car. They probably can’t even get out of bed.

I can’t wait to get pulled over. The officer’s going to take one look and be like ” wow! yoe look great! good for you! how’d you do it?”

I’ll respond, ” Good diet, exercise and lots of methanphetamines!”

Or maybe i should try and convince him that i actually am 570 pounds. “Large, heavy bones…yup. i wear it well. lots of water weight. it’s all in my ankles. i have very dense, muscular ankles.”

Are you kidding me? 570? Who hired these people?

Rainy Day

I was just walking home from work in the middle of a rain storm and i got to thinking about a few things.

1. Ever notice that the first thing you think to do when it starts raining is to shield yourself under the branches of a tree? That is definitely the most dangerous thing to actually do though, so i guess gut feeling isn’t always the way to go.

2. Then, the next inkling is to reach for an umbrella. Hmmmm….I think i’ll grab this metal rod. That’ll be a good thing to do underneath the flashes of lightning. Maybe i’ll be real clever and take my shoes off to and make a call on the phone and wrap my entire head in tinfoil.

3. Umbrellas shield you from rain….sort of. Your entire bottom half is drenched and you end throwing all of your clothes in the dryer anyway, but at least you precious perm wasn’t ruined.

4. We always jump over puddles. I mean, who wants to step into a puddle. Not me. Crappy part is, we always land in a deeper puddle and the splash gets, what only would have been your foot, but now your entire leg soaked.

Just ask me

Did you ever notice that often, girls don’t ask for things? What i mean is…well…i’ll give you an example. Here is a typical random conversation that might occur…

(I am eating an eggplant parm from a nearby deli)

Her: Hey. Whatcha eatin’?

Me: Eggplant parm.

Her: Where’d you get it? It looks good.

Me: Deli up the street.

Her: I’ve never eaten there before.

Me: No?

Her: Haven’t had eggplant parm in years either

Me: Uh huh.

Her: And that looks really god…

JUST FRICKIN ASK FOR A FRICKIN BITE AND STOP IMPLYING THAT YOU WANT ONE SO THAT I AM FORCED TO OFFER IT! I mean that is just manipulation at it’s worst, because if you didn’t do that, i wouldn’t have offered it to you. When i buy a sandwhich, i buy it with the intent of eating it. So, unless i am full, feeling generous, or just plain old think it tastes like crap, ask me for a bite. I am not going to offer.

License to Drive (me nuts)

Ok. A friend of mine commented, once, on the fact that perhaps it should be required to have a license in order to have a baby. Stupid people are breeding at a faster pace than the level-headed and intelligent ones and they must be stopped. That got me thinking…

You need a license to sell alcohol, but not to drink it; to drive, but not to be the idiot distracting the driver; to own a gun, but not a knife; to get married, but not to have sex or have a child; to teach academics, but not to teach about “your god”; to be a doctor, but not to sell drugs; to be a masseuse, but not to give a “happy ending”; to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, but not to be a counselor…i mean, are you sensing a pattern?

Then i thought that maybe it’s better with contracts, but it’s not. I mean, you need a contract to have a phone plan, but any idiot who doesn’t mind sitting in a chair and annoying the american public during dinner can be a tele-marketer!

Things are a little backwards, huh?

Body Image

You know, for a long time now, women have been subject to impossible physical standards placed by magazines, tv, movies, models, and musicians. Men have definitelt been given the long end of the stick in that department….untl recently. Currently, there is s rise in standard in the male realm. We are now being given a image to become ad it is almost impossible without expendable wealth, personal trainers, style consultants, personal chefs, etc…
I am in no way saying that it is even. Women definitely take the brunt of the status, standard abuse. You must admit though, it is becoming harder and harder for men t look right, wear the right clothes, and so on. Currently, what was once considered feminine and gay is now almost required in order to even get the attention of a woman. When did being a man become so unattractve?
I, personally, don’t want to make the change. There is a difference between showering and knowing how to not look like you were attacked by a dog and popping your collar and getting your arms waxed. Women, I emplore you, don’t forget that there are me out there. We are strong, smart, sweet and good for you. Not wearing pink should never be a deal breaker.